In this week’s podcast, I speak to my long time friend from LionHeart Parita Mardania about
Supercharge Your Wellbeing, the revolution, and what you can do to Supercharge your
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Natasha Collins: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the NC podcast. My name is Natasha Collins and I am the founder of NC real estate which includes its members club for landlords and property investors to come and build a profitable property portfolio that completely aligns with their gold and just a little tip right now.
[00:00:22] I’m going to put the members club waiting list link below because you are going to want to be. Hmm a little birdy just told me we’re almost ready to launch. So just as an FYI, the members club is opening within the next couple of months and we only open a couple of times a year. So if you want to be first on that list and being on the list brings you a couple of little surprises, I would click the link and sign up now that’s ncrealestatemembersclub.com.
[00:00:53] I will put the link below. So make sure you get on that list, okay. Today I have another incredible guest come to speak to me today. I’m so so so excited! She’s one of my favorite people whenever we get the chance to meet up. We have the best conversations about different things around self-improvement ways to make worth work-life balance.
[00:01:17] Great and also just general amazing catchups Parisa Well Done Yet. Hi.
[00:01:25] Parita Mardania: [00:01:25] hello, I’m really excited as well to be speaking to you today.
[00:01:30] Natasha Collins: [00:01:30] Uh, me too. So for those of you who don’t know Parita. I just assumed that everybody does because most people that I talk to pre to your very well known within the industry Rita works at Lionheart and you run all the events, right?
[00:01:47] Parita Mardania: [00:01:47] Yeah. Yeah. So Lion Heart Is the charity for RSES professionals their life partners and children that are dependent on them. So we are actually a separate organization to the RSES and we support our RSES professionals right from a PC stage throughout their career. And once I’ve retired as well, so just to kind of give you a bit of background for those of you that may not know the services that we actually offer and what we do our services our bespoke to what the individual may need.
[00:02:17] So people might come through to us for kind of a variety of different things. It could be anything from a period of unemployment and starting to get back into work. It could be relationship difficulties or having caring responsibilities for a sick elderly or disabled relative to struggling with stress anxiety or depression.
[00:02:36] So we provide support in a variety of different ways. So through our dedicated team of support officers through a qualified professional counselors and through our ever expanding portfolio of workshops and webinars, and these actually cover anything and everything from kind of mental health awareness.
[00:02:55] To general well-being so things like resilience work-life balance and financial education for all age groups. It will always find a way of how we can actually help and support people. So that’s just a bit about Lionheart.
[00:03:06] Natasha Collins: [00:03:06] You guys do the most amazing things just a bit of a background I came across, Lionheart six years ago a thing like 2014 and I was really struggling with my mental health overwhelmed burnout and the RSES put me in contact Lionheart and they really helped me through a series of counseling sessions and I am forever grateful for that because it turned my belief in the industry around I think.
[00:03:39] Parita Mardania: [00:03:39] Yeah, I’ll actually remember that she’s saying that it feels like he was such a long time ago, but I remember actually when you came through and I remember I met you after you passed your APC and I remember us having a conversation about really wanting to do something and I know Natasha you were really passionate about kind of wanting to give something back to the industry, but actually also to kind of helping and supporting APC candidates because you understood what the journey felt like.
[00:04:07] Remember we kind of metal can we kind of had a chat and we did a kind of a mind map of potential things that we could do and actually that’s when we came up with the seminar supercharger while being driven without.
[00:04:17] Natasha Collins: [00:04:17] Yeah. Yeah. I was literally when I found Lionheart was like I just needed to do something and tell everybody about it because I’d had such a tough time with it and then I got in contact with you and I and you came back to me and I was so surprised I was. I really want to run with that.
[00:04:37] Parita Mardania: [00:04:37] I think I’m on one of those. I like I’m a very passionate about you know, the work that we do at Loan heights an absolutely amazing charity and I just feel like you have to sometimes run with ideas and you have to just make it happen and see where it takes you and and I think that’s actually what’s happened with super charger while being as we kind of came up with this idea.
[00:04:54] I think through you know several conversations with then decided. Actually, let’s do a seminar, you know, we want to. People to kind of wanted to be practical and want it to be interactive and want people to really take things away from it. And we just I think I remember our first pilot we delivered that at our SES headquarters and we had a lot of people in the room, but it was absolutely amazing to see that actually so many people had attended and that there was actually a need and there was more that we could do.
[00:05:22] It was just yeah. I was absolutely amazing.
[00:05:26] Natasha Collins: [00:05:26] I remember that. But first one we didn’t know how many people are going to come we have to table for. What is it 10 people and 10 to 15. Yeah, like two people showed up and we were blown away. They remember you standing in the corner and me leading it and people just keep coming in behind me as I was talking and I had no idea really what I was doing the Imposter syndrome at the time was full-on because I was like, how on Earth.
[00:05:56] Am I leading something on well-being and all of these people have turned up to listen, but you’re right. It was just a response. It was almost like this cry from the industry help. We need something. Yeah, they’re definitely and I think I always think back to that. But I think that just kind of showed us actually that there is a need and actually since then, you know, that was the first of many workshops that we have delivered so we know we’ve delivered supercharger while being now all over the UK and we’ve actually even developed the 30 minutes of charging while being webinar, which is just been a huge success as well and actually more kind of recently.
[00:06:34] We’ve been doing a lot of work with our kind of corporate Partners, so they will host workshops interview. Me as part of their APC induction program kind of over the two year period so, you know, I’m so grateful that you actually contacted Lionheart you really want to do something because it’s just been the start of an absolute Incredible Journey.
[00:06:52] We’ve actually developed to further workshops as part of the APC Series. So we’ve got supercharger well-being and then secondly, we’ve got boosting a resilience. So I think was against can is such like a buzzword and we’re just kind of expected to have it but though the seminar actually goes through.
[00:07:10] What is it? How do you get resilient and why it helps you so it’s all about kind of what is stress. How can that affect you and what can you do about it? So that’s the second one we developed and then the third one which was developed with you as well. Natasha was building your confidence. So I think confidence, you know is a learned behavior.
[00:07:30] It’s a muscle that needs kind of, you know regularly. In exercised and you need to be able to kind of be flexible with that but in the workshop, you know, we kind of its practical ways of how you can change take charge and develop your confidence. I think it’s a skill that really helps, you know, not just during your a PC, but when you’re going to set your kind of a PC assessment because that can be a really difficult time for people.
[00:07:53] I think yeah. I think the one thing that I have noticed that holds people back is that confidence and you’re right. It’s a muscle because there’s no way that we’re born with this ridiculous confidence to stand up and tell people about what we do. I find that that’s been that’s been one of the things that I always struggled with.
[00:08:17] I still sometimes to a certain extent. I’m like, yeah, you know, I just do these things and kind of get on with it and walk on never never really celebrate what I am in like shout about it. And I think everybody is like that and being able to just stand up and. Tell people and it doesn’t matter if there’s one person in a room.
[00:08:36] It doesn’t matter if there’s hundreds of people in the room and say what you’ve got to say and actually be proud of yourself and have that belief in yourself that you are just as good if not better than everybody else is something that needs to be shared. Right? No, I definitely agree. And I know that we’ve had absolutely amazing feedback.
[00:08:54] Even when you were in the UK delivering the sessions you had a lot of people kind of follow up with you after as well didn’t you? Yeah. Coming to me and saying sometimes they say to me. I can’t believe that you struggle with confidence and. I definitely do I put out and I actually put out a podcast last week that I did not want to go out.
[00:09:18] I had sleepless nights about it because I was it was about help my rage within the industry and sometimes I get really angry over things and don’t know how to deal with it. And so I just did a podcast about that and I was breaking it and then it went out and actually. Nobody said anything I thought even I don’t know people were going to be like, how do you how can you possibly think that you’re a leader?
[00:09:41] If you feel this angry and you can’t control yourself and I don’t know that was imposter syndrome. And that was also me doubting the fact that I had a valid opinion on something. I don’t normally get that worked up about things. I’m a pretty. Placid person when I I guess my public Persona is very much more Placid because I think about things and very considered in the way that I feel things.
[00:10:07] It doesn’t mean that behind closed door not like raging sometimes but so yeah people come to me and they say well, how do you do it and I kind of have to fake it sometimes until other I believe it. I don’t really care whether other people believe it. I have to believe that I’m confident actually and that reminds me of a quote that I read earlier today by Oprah Winfrey, which is you become what you believe you are where you are today in your life based on everything that you’ve believed.
[00:10:39] So if you believe that you can do that then. You can cut you can do anything actually. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I love that pretty to always comes out with the bad things. I having these conversations. She’s already armed of these quotes. Yeah, it’s just weird how it happens.
[00:11:06] Yes, and I think and I think confidence is also quite a big part of mental health because you do have to be comp you have to find some confidence to stand up and say hey I need help. Yeah. Yeah, I think I mean, I think it’s important that should we actually kind of go through what we mean by mental health because I think I can mean different things to different people.
[00:11:26] So yeah well done we can hear the term mental health and are associated thoughts can be negative. So and they really shouldn’t be we all need to start thinking about mental health differently. It’s it’s something that we all have just like our physical health and. In the same way that physical health can change from day to day so can our mental health.
[00:11:45] So to gain a better understanding of mental health. I think we should think of it as a Continuum and appreciate it’s something that we’re going to move along throughout our lives depending on what’s going on for us. So mental health actually covers our emotional psychological and social.
[00:12:02] Well-being and affects how we think feel and act it can determine how we might manage stress how we might make decisions how we relate to people. So I think I mean if I was to ask you if you were on the positive end of the Continuum of mental health, you know, what are some of the things that you might be able to feel or oil that you might be able to do.
[00:12:24] So you’re asking me that question. Yeah, so if I so today I’m having a real positive mental health day yesterday. I Wilson is like almost flipped the switch over night. So today I’m feeling good about. Everything I’m like, yeah, I turn up. I do my podcast. I owed I show up as me ready and feeling good in what I’m doing.
[00:12:48] I did a lecture this morning at 7 a.m. And I was happy about that and I’d already been to the gym and. Then I went out dog walking with one of my friends. I came back. I was having a good conversation with one of my fellow lecturers and I was giving him advice. He was giving me advice. I would have got through my emails really quickly.
[00:13:06] I was just decision-making and I was able to do things. Whereas. Yeah yesterday morning. I had woken up. Just feeling grumpy annoyed and I was all I had to do yesterday. Really my first job of the day was to make sure a decorator was going to go to one of my flats and paint a door and you have no idea how tough I made it for myself.
[00:13:31] I’d literally all I needed to do was send a text message and tell him what pink color to take with him. You have no
[00:13:41] idea. I had typed to my. My mom about how this decorator can done a said what’s up to her and be like this decorator can’t go and get his pain at said to Chris. I wish I was back in the UK so I could sort this out right now. I just do it in an hour. I’d LED on the sofa and got fed up about it. And then I was like.
[00:14:00] No, no after you doing right now. Why are you in this mood? I was like just text the guy tell him where to get the paint from you could even phone the paint the deck painter and decorator and say do you have this color paint? Make sure it’s there and lo and behold this morning. I had a text message that back done will be there 7 a.m.
[00:14:20] Monday morning. I mean the difference for hours. I think that’s it. So you’ve just kind of briefly to it. So when you’re kind of feeding generally good, you’ve generally feeling content. So that’s how you feeling today. So that’s what kind of like the positive end of the kind of Continuum can feel like we’re you know, you’re able to express a range of emotions you’re able to build and maintain positive relationships.
[00:14:46] Coping with everyday stresses and challenges that might come your way. But yeah, just you know, you generally kind of feeling good and I think when we look on the other end of the spectrum and again, this will be different for different people. It will be based on, you know, kind of how things are going for you but it might be that, you know, you’re no longer able to enjoy the things that you want State you might feel withdrawn a detached where you can’t think clearly, you know, feeling hopeless or having a lot of energy and motivation.
[00:15:15] So it’s you know, we need to kind of really work on and think about actually what what does that look like for us? You know when we’re having a generally a really good day happy. You know, how do we feel like we’re not feeling so great. How are we feeding? And I know that we’re going to do. Little bit more later on about ways of how we can actually boost our mental health and how can we kind of work on that?
[00:15:37] But I thought it was quite important, you know for the business listeners to really understand what we mean by mental health and and to remember actually everybody has mental health, you know, it’s just our kind of it’s just the way that we think and the way that we feel and there is absolutely no there really shouldn’t be no Stigma around that know, you know.
[00:15:58] I know that we’ve I mean we’ve all heard of the start, you know saying that one in four people will experience poor mental health in a year and about two-thirds of people with mental health problems actually believe that long hours unrealistic workloads or bad management have either caused or kind of worsened their condition.
[00:16:16] And I know when we did our Lionheart survey actually. A lot of the reasons that came up were the longer I was that unrealistic workloads, you know things being swept under the rug and not being spoken about so, you know, it is really important that we have conversations around mental health. You know, what does that actually mean?
[00:16:33] And what does that kind of look like? I just want to really quickly kind of go through. I could have three questions. I just want you to guess what the answer might be because I know that when I kind of had a look at this I was kind of like oh, I didn’t know that so, you know, I’m gonna so patients with depression and anxiety make up approximately what percentage of GDP appointments do you think?
[00:16:56] It’s 25% 52 percent or 70 percent? Fifty-two percent. Okay, so it’s actually 70% So yeah depression and anxiety make up approximately 70% of GP appointments. Do you know why I’m surprised about that. Just just putting it out there. It’s because I know like my when I’ve had really bad anxiety. I also worry about the fact that nothing that.
[00:17:28] I shouldn’t be being like that. So I wouldn’t ever go to wouldn’t have ever gone and sought advice because I’m like, well, it’s not that important, you know, basically other people are dying. So for me my anxiety was that my gosh I’m worrying and things are going around in my head and I get very obsessive compulsive thoughts but.
[00:17:51] I would always then caveat that with the. Well, I’m not dying. So why would I go to the doctor? So that that it is where it is? Yeah, it’s good because people at least going to get it diagnosed my gosh. I wonder how that’ll change. I think the other thing to remember is is when you have poor mental health or mental ill health there could be other things that kind of happen as a result of it.
[00:18:18] And so sometimes when things kind of get really bad, you know, it’s like you really do need to go. The second question. I wanted to ask was What proportion of people with mental health problems experienced stigma 90% 10% or 50%.
[00:18:39] 50% but again because I don’t know that people would tell anybody like do you know the your shame? Yeah. Yeah, so it’s actually 90% which. Is really shocking as well. But a time to change research shows that actually up to 90% with mental health problems experienced some form of Stickin stigma. So whether that is from friends and family at work in education or even during treatment, it’s one of the main reasons people feel like they’re unable to talk about their Mental Health.
[00:19:15] They just would rather. Not tell other people really perhaps not knowing the kind of response that they’re going to get and especially with what you know, now that you know, the kind of things that you hear is all just man up just deal with it or I’ll just get on with it all you know, you sometimes think that you’re just going to sound silly even if you did mention it to people mmm.
[00:19:35] Oh, yeah. I know that one. I know that when I’m off I’ve often said that in times when I am feeling the worst. I’ve probably. Achieved a lot because rather than getting it out by telling people I go he’ll to leather working new projects this that and the other to try and distract my brain so that I could don’t have to tell everybody because again, it’s the thing of all it’s not as bad as other people.
[00:20:05] So why would I talk about it but actually talking about it is where. You eat, but you have to be in a safe space to talk about it. You couldn’t talk about it with everybody and I’ve certainly experienced it in in the property industry. I remember. Use Garden. This is a story from years ago and probably one of the reasons why I allowed myself to get so near to burnout was one of my clients from massive estate and I went I’m not going to go into details of who and what but she was signed off with stress for a couple of months and you’d go to these meetings these boardroom meetings and they’d all be laughing about it that the fact that she had gone to buy shoes or something.
[00:20:51] I was like, She probably will oh, but it’s. You know as a young surveyor, I was in a and I must admit I didn’t speak out as much when I was younger as I do now because I’d be in a room of all these important looking men who had flown in because it was an international trust and they they would always be ripping that person to shreds and then you must the guilt that you’d must then feel when you come back to work my yeah like I so I.
[00:21:23] Seen it firsthand and it’s terrible but it also comes from the fact that people then like well you’ve been signed off. So, why do I pick up your why do I have to pick up your work? Yeah, I think a lot of that is changing. I’ve kind of noticed that in the last couple of years since we’ve been doing a lot of work with kind of our corporate partners.
[00:21:47] We’re a lot of them are kind of taking this really seriously. It was I think it was just the other week where we had one of our. One of our potential corporate Partners where they had the mental health awareness and managing mental health Workshop delivered and that was with the money managing director three of their regional directors and then all their area managers and it was just absolutely amazing.
[00:22:11] Absolutely. It was just so great to see the conversations in that room and and all of them actually taking that seriously about how can they better support their staff and their employees so I think yeah, I think. The last couple years yet. There’s a lot more work being done a lot more firms and organizations are focusing around kind of, you know, their well-being strategy and really kind of looking ways of how can they how can they actually apply that and what can they do?
[00:22:37] So yeah, I think still we’ve still got a lot of work to do but there’s definitely been definitely been some change. So just a segue a couple of weeks ago I had Alex panghu is a. Rest researcher who came on the podcast and he was talking to me about some of the work that he was doing in Silicon Valley and he’s working with a big corporate Farms to reduce the Working Day to six hours for days a week.
[00:23:06] Do you think we’ll ever get them the property industry did I bother you but I mean he’s again and actually after. We can switch contact details because he is looking for people in the poor in the property industry to do that with but how amazing if we start moving towards different ways of working as well because everybody that I talk to in the industry who’s still very much embroiled in the corporate in the corporate side of things.
[00:23:37] There’s always that I am just overwhelmed with the amount that I’ve got going on right now. It never stops. It’s just emails flying left right and center. It’s. Kid, then they’re everywhere and we’ve got a lot of paperwork to fill in a surveyors. So yeah, I would be so interested to see how this starts changing people’s working patterns.
[00:23:56] And I know we’ve got a way to come because it doesn’t it doesn’t happen instantly. I would always like to click my fingers and things happen instantly. It doesn’t yeah. Yeah, I think. Especially nowadays is what I mean firms are really looking at what benefits that they can offer to employees, especially with the younger generation coming in because you know, it’s not just about the job title and the salary that the concerned with they want to know.
[00:24:20] What are they going to be? You know, what more they going to be getting what about kind of working from home or flexible working? It just not enough now to kind of offer a salary, so I feel like. Yeah, there’s a there’s a lot the potentially may change. It might be slow progress. I don’t know how quick but yeah, I think a lot of organizations are looking into different kind of benefits and different things that they can offer to their employees.
[00:24:46] And so, you know, it’s not just about offering it. But if there’s other so many benefits that have kind of been shown up in research in terms of productivity level and performance and you know, all of these things are so vital in a work environment. Yeah, I agree. Because of the the just moving on to the last question, which was how long do the majority of people with a mental health problem?
[00:25:09] Wait before telling their closest family and friends about it. Is it over a year two months or seven months? Definitely over a year? Yeah, you got that one, right? Yeah, sixty percent of people with a mental health problem weight over a year to tell the people that are actually most closest to them and I think you know that these were just to kind of give a give you a flavor of come of some of the stats out there and I know.
[00:25:38] Hey that there’s so many of the common ones where we know that 70 million work days are lost annually due to mental health 15% of of people at work have symptoms of an existing mental health condition. And I know a lot of people will use work as a way to kind of continue and to carry on and to keep going but it is something because that we do need to focus on not just as.
[00:25:59] As the property industry but you know beneath our job titles and how much money we earn in our relationship statuses. We are people and mental health is something that affects everyone not just a particular industry, which is one of the main reasons why we definitely need to start focusing on mental health and well-being and what we can actually do to kind of help people and support people with that.
[00:26:19] I agree. I agree and it’s also such a hard thing to articulate. Yeah, I’m I’m not good at explaining how I feel and sometimes I might what it’s like the Red Mist Of Doom just start settling in and I can feel it closing in and there’s not really too much that I can do about it at the time until I don’t know.
[00:26:39] I’ve completely changed my situation but it took a very long time to be able to tell people about that. And also what I realized is that people who have panic attacks for example have. Panic attacks in very different ways. So oh, yeah. I used to as the pnac I have panic attacks, which I realize now we’re panic attacks, but at the time I just thought I was having a heart attack.
[00:27:06] Whereas whereas other people experience that with. You know, they get all red and you can see you can see the redness coming up. I know that some people kind of double over some people even go as far as passing out. I’ve seen some people pass out. I’ve heard some people passed out from it and it feels very differently because people get pins and needles or they feel like they’re they just cannot breathe anymore, which was a simple symptom of mine.
[00:27:34] And and I think that’s the other thing is that it’s so hard to describe. Yeah, I think it’s really important. Like you said everyone’s version of an if they have a panic attack is going to be very different. So, you know, we know, you know, there’s anxiety there’s depression. There’s different types of eating disorders and different ocds.
[00:27:57] There’s just so many kind of a variety of different mental ill-health out there and two versions of what people may experience will be very very different. But what the key thing is is actually kind of understanding what. Own symptoms are and how you can manage those better? And I think the second is that’s about yourself, but then secondly understanding and knowing that everyone else will deal with things very differently to you, and I’m not to actually compare people.
[00:28:23] Yeah, so I think you know that’s really kind of important. And so when you know, when we think about the mind the mind is a muscle that we use every single day, you know to be productive at work to be effective at home to be creative in our businesses or whatever. It might be that weird actually doing and so just as the body needs to eat exercise and be engaged to get stronger.
[00:28:44] So desire mind, so I think you know talking about kind of. The tips on working on while being a mental health. You don’t have to be struggling with anxiety or stress or pressure. To focus on boosting your mental health just as we don’t need a physical challenge to go to the gym, you know, you don’t have to have a mental challenge to actually go to the Mind gym.
[00:29:03] So, you know, I think being proactive about our mental health is the best decision that we can make and the truth is stress is something that none of us can avoid we will walk. Experience dress up different levels at different times throughout our life, you know, whether it’s in the workplace whether it’s family challenges whether its finances, it’s something that we all go through.
[00:29:27] So I think the most important thing to do is firstly you need to kind of have and develop self compassion. So, you know, think about how you would talk to a good friend or someone that you really love and that you care about if they are going through a difficult. Time or if they’re just generally struggling what would you say to them?
[00:29:49] You know, what’s the language that you might use was the turn of your voice? You know, we would be very kind of patient and empathetic and understanding right? Yeah, and I think you have to think about you know, when you’re having a bad day when you’re struggling, how do you talk to yourself? Is it positive is it negative and I think a lot of research just show that generally.
[00:30:10] We are so much more critical to our self. So I think the first thing to do is actually true and we just treat yourself as you would treat a good friend or someone that you love and that you care about I think another important kind of. Point I want to make is about kind of instant gratification.
[00:30:25] So, you know information entertainment and communication is just a click away all day every day, you know with a touch of the button. We are connected to anything that we could possibly want a selection of movies on Netflix our library of books on our tablet a phone call text message. And this powerful link fuels our need for instant gratification and it’s kind of defined our culture.
[00:30:47] And so we feel like our Solutions have to be quick and they have to be instant. But actually this isn’t the case at all, you know, there isn’t a magic formula but instead it’s consistent small steps that we have to take to look after our well-being and you have to ask yourself what works for you, you know, is it playing sports?
[00:31:05] Is it reading is it spending time with family and friends? So that’s actually the 10 key steps to happier living which have been developed by a charity called action for happiness and a positive psychologist called Vanessa King. I know that they are widely shared Now My Mind by, you know mental health rethink.
[00:31:26] So it’s the ten key steps are actually based on a review from latest research from psychology and related fields. So everyone’s path to happiness and well-being is. But evidence actually suggests that the 10 key steps of consistently have a positive impact on people’s well-being. So it’s almost like I would say so many that you can pick and choose so it’s almost like a what is going to work from for me from these 10 things.
[00:31:52] So the first five. Which people may have heard about so it’s being developed is known as the five ways to well-being and it’s been developed by any F. And the first five key steps are giving and doing things for the people secondly relating and connecting with people thirdly exercise and taking care of your body.
[00:32:15] The fourth one is awareness and living life mindfully and the fifth one is trying out and learning new things. So all of these five things is about how we interact with the outside world in our kind of daily activities. And then you’ve got the second five so they come from inside us they depend on our attitude to life.
[00:32:34] So we’ve got directions and having goals to look forward to we’ve got resilience and finding ways to bounce back. We’ve got emotions looking for what’s good acceptance being comfortable with who you are and the last one is meaning being a part of something bigger. So let’s say for example, I look at.
[00:32:53] And these ten key steps and I think I want to focus on emotions and looking for what’s good. There are different options that you can do that will help you with that. So if I was to ask you Natasha how many thoughts do you think that we have averagely in a day? Oh my gosh, I had it doesn’t stop when I go to sleep because I dream about it.
[00:33:17] All is well. I have no idea who yeah, it’s pretty rejects. What up my search my friend or just have so many dreams and she said that she doesn’t have any feelings at all or and I found it really weird. I said, what was I have so many dreams in one night like every day and I could remember what it was about as well so strange, but that.
[00:33:40] This is a lot to do that kind of subconscious mind. Research shows that generally about averagely so it could be more or less based on people but we have about 70,000 thoughts a day and 18% of our thoughts are negative. So research shows that when we actually focus on things that we’re grateful for this actually boosts our well-being.
[00:33:58] So if I for example wanted to focus on emotions and I want to look for what’s good because I perhaps feeling a lot more negative or all my thoughts just aren’t as positive as I would want them to be. One of the things that I could do, what is actually the I’m going to be showing later on is, you know, you could have keep a gratitude Journal so writing down three things that you’re grateful for every single day and why can actually boost our well-being because we’re focusing no matter what’s going on in our lives, but we’re choosing to consciously focus on the things that are going well for us so, you know, that’s just an example.
[00:34:32] It might be that you might want to. Exercise and take care of your body and that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to go out and sign up to a marathon but it might mean, you know getting off if you getting a cheap get enough of stop earlier to kind of make that walk or going for a walk during lunch time or you’ll you know, getting some fresh air.
[00:34:50] So it is just about choosing different things that you can actually do. Yeah, so I think just to kind of summarize I would say you have to work out what works for you and that comes with awareness. So I know there’s a lot of information out there about mindfulness and mindfulness is a way of.
[00:35:09] Paying attention to the present moment. So, you know, you can use techniques like meditation breathing yoga and it helps us become more aware of our thoughts and feelings. So that instead of being overwhelmed by them were able to manage it better. And so I think through awareness you’ll know what your body needs whether that is true rest, whether that’s to eat better whether you need to spend time with other people so firstly figure out what it is that works for you.
[00:35:33] Secondly, you know, we all know how our physical health is linked to our mental health. So regular exercise can boost your self-esteem it can help you come. Some traits eat and feel better. Like I said earlier in the earlier example as well, you know, it’s just depends on what works for you. So whether it’s a sports that you enjoy whether it’s you know getting out and walking for 15 minutes just do whatever works for you and I think.
[00:35:57] Thirdly have to remember that no one is superhuman. Like we all get tired. We all get overwhelmed and things don’t always go to plan. And so if things are getting too much and you feel like you need to speak to someone then to actually ask for support when it’s needed and that actually that’s not a negative things.
[00:36:14] It means that you have the awareness to understand what your body needs what your mind needs and so by getting to the support you’re able to kind of really look after yourself so much more better. Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah. So that’s I think before we get onto where to go. Let’s have let’s have a talk about our own our own self practice for well-being and helping my mental health.
[00:36:43] So I’ll go I’ll ask you what do you do? That’s cute. I’ve just been talking for ages.
[00:36:55] So one of the things I’m so I’ve you know had my own experiences. So back in 2013. I personally did experience depression anxiety for it, you know for a number of reasons which which don’t really matter but at the time I didn’t actually understand what mental health was. I didn’t know what it meant to look after yourself and so during my journey since then, you know, I had a lot of questions about life.
[00:37:18] I did a lot of research. I went to different seminars. I you know, I kind of wanted answers for these questions that I had. And then kind of made my own menu of things that really worked for me. So one of the things that I do is I make myself a priority now. I know people might say well that’s easier said than done but I feel like you have a choice you have a choice every single day and so I make myself a priority and I used to think that it would be selfish if I did that but actually I realized that if I don’t look after myself.
[00:37:45] Then I’m not going to be able to give to the other areas of my life. So whether that’s my work, you know something that I’m really passionate about something that I absolutely love whether it’s relationships, whether it’s you know, friends and family volunteering and so when you make yourself a priority and when you just listen to your body, You’re able to kind of give to other areas.
[00:38:04] So that’s definitely my first thing the second one I would say is a generally have a very busy Lifestyle on used to say yes to everyone and everything all the time, but I actually scheduling me time now and I know that might sound silly but if in a week, I know I’ve got X y&z going on and there’s only one evening that is.
[00:38:26] I will make sure that I schedule in time for myself and I will do whatever it is that I want to do. So whether that is going to be watching a film on Netflix whether that is spending time with my family at home and lounging around I will do whatever it needs. So if somebody says to me, are you free that evening and if I’ve got me time scheduled in I will say no to that person.
[00:38:45] So yeah, I think scheduling having that time to yourself is so vital. It’s so important thirdly. I. I used to keep a gratitude diary, but it’s now become a way of living and a way of life for me. So I’m not someone to sit there to journal and to right but there was a lot of things that I was seeing around, you know, if you record three things that you’re grateful for every single day and why you’re grateful for.
[00:39:12] Face, it will could officially well-being and boost your kind of Happiness. So I thought I’ll give it a try because I don’t know. You know, how real this might be. So I did it for about three months. So some days I would struggle to write something and then some days it would be a lot easier but one of the things that I realized I noticed during that period was the things that I was the most grateful for wasn’t the big things.
[00:39:34] It was a small things that we perhaps take for granted. So, you know having running water. Having a warm bed to sleep in when it was like the winter nights thinking I could never survive out there in the cold and you then start becoming much more grateful for the smaller things. And so. I would definitely say that actually changed my way of thinking and being because although I don’t do that anymore.
[00:39:55] It’s become a natural way to think and to be there is actually a really good book called the Gratitude Diaries By Janice complain. So it’s based on Research is based on real life. So I thought it was a really really good read if anyone is interested in reading that the third thing that I do is is I reflect.
[00:40:16] And which ones me I’m going to give you share another quote by Steve Jobs and I’ve always always remember this ever since I read the quote and he says I have looked in the mirror every morning and ask myself if today were the last day of my life would I do what I’m about to do today? And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row.
[00:40:37] I know I need to change something. So we often have you know, all these to-do lists that we have to do. But what about what kind of person that you want to be? You know, what are your values what your beliefs are? What about when things have gone wrong? You know how you manage those situations?
[00:40:51] How you know, what have you learned from it? So I think reflection is actually. A really good thing to do a lot of people Journal as well and reflect that way. So it’s just finding a way that will work for you. And the fourth thing I would say is giving back is something that I’m really passionate about something that I really believe in.
[00:41:12] So, you know, I’m really lucky that at Lionheart the work that we do really fits in with my values and my beliefs and outside of work. I also have a community group called Be Inspired so. The aim of it is really to kind of bring people together to discuss ways of living a meaningful and fulfilling life.
[00:41:33] So the topics are predominantly based around well-being and happiness and it takes place on the first Wednesday of every month. So it’s that’s a really big part of my life. There’s other kind of volunteering stuff that I do as well. So being able to kind of help other people is really important and actually caring about other people’s happiness is an important ingredient for our own and actually.
[00:41:55] A lot of scientific Studies have shown that people who give or help others have been shown to be more satisfied with their lives. They have a greater sense of meaning and feel much more competent. So, you know giving doesn’t have to be necessarily about money or things. It can be being kind it can be, you know, giving people the gift of time helping people in good times and bad and just kind of making it part of your routine.
[00:42:16] So that has definitely kind of been a big part of kind of my well-being journey, and I think lastly actually is to remember that everything is temporary. Nothing is permanent. And I think I see that something empowering witch. Provides a sense of courage to let go of everything that we allow to hold us back from living the life that were meant to live.
[00:42:37] So getting outside of your comfort zone and embracing the challenges of changing growth. And so when you think back to maybe things have happened in the past things that have been difficult things that have been challenging you got through those and you have to remember that and when you fast forward a few years on you, you’re the way that you feel about it is very different to the way you might have felt about it at the time that it happened.
[00:42:59] And so when I go through something difficult, Something challenging. I just say to myself this is this is challenging in this is difficult for me right now, but I know that I’m going to learn a lot from it, but I also know that this is not going to last forever and I will get past this. Yeah. So yeah, I think that’s it’s really important to actually remember that so yeah, I would say.
[00:43:19] You know make yourself a priority schedule me time in I would say gratitude is a huge thing reflect. And yeah just remind yourself. That’s the nothing is actually permanent. Everything passes The Good The Bad everything so you’ll get through things. Yeah. Yeah. What about you? What would you say?
[00:43:43] My well-being practice has changed so much over the years. I have a very concrete morning routine going on that. I’ve been in development over the last 12 months. I’m really happy with because it means that I feel good for the whole day. In fact, I amazingly have stopped feeling tired. I okay. So this what’s the
[00:44:09] secret so I know. So I will get up somewhere between 6:00 and 6:30 and go to the gym just for half an hour to 40 minutes. I don’t do any more than that anymore. When I when I was feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. I was going like for an hour to two hours a day no more. I’m not doing that that way for a long time.
[00:44:30] I really struggle with the guilt of that that I wasn’t as Slim or a skinny as I was when I was doing two hours of work out a day and and actually a realized over the last couple of months that I. Far happier now live with how I look then I ever was back then because I was always aiming for this. I don’t know this the ring like, I don’t know.
[00:44:51] I was aiming to be really skinny and what have you I didn’t look healthy. I don’t think and looking back at the pictures. I far prefer how I feel now in my 30 year old skin than I do in my did in my like 24 25 year old skin. That’s for sure. So just 30 minutes. It’s like that buzz to get you out of bed in the Wake ready for.
[00:45:11] Then I usually do half an hour or so emails just to check. I don’t normally reply at that time in the morning, but it gives me something to think about and then I take some of my dog out for a walk for an hour and I kind of mulling over what’s in my emails. Maybe if I if I don’t have anything that’s that interesting I listened to a podcast but I just tucked like kind of just allow everything to sink in go for a nice walk and then come back and then start my day and feel pretty good about everything that’s going on and by that point I’d like.
[00:45:41] Exercised enough that I’m just like happily happily like tired not wound up about anything and that’s really changed my morning. So I don’t just jump out of bed and do start work. So that’s been really nice and I go to bed now 10 o’clock. I’ll make sure I’m in bed if I’m not tired. I’ll read but I’m there’s no more real screen time.
[00:46:00] The only time that changes is if we are out for a night or what I have you but that I I’m like you I protect that now I would far rather be up with someone earlier. Then I would be saying oh I’ll meet up with you at eight and then eight rolls around and then we’re out until 12. I’d rather meet up with people the minute they finished work.
[00:46:20] So like five six o’clock. I do that. Yeah, and then I’m at home in bed, and I protected that time so I’m always having at least eight eight and a half hours sleep a night minimum and I need that. I need that too. I cannot function and even if I don’t sleep straight away sometimes I don’t most of the time I do I tend to just I don’t get worked up about it cause I’m in bed.
[00:46:45] I’m resting so it doesn’t bother me the way it used to when I’d be out and then I’d get home and it’d be like midnight have to back up at 6 a.m. I don’t worry about it. I don’t rush that time anymore and that’s really changed things around for me. The second thing that I have learned to do is I am an overachiever.
[00:47:03] I’ve always I’ve kind of been developing that over the years, but when I’ve got all of these goals, I want to achieve I achieve nothing. So now I what I do is I right I’m always writing down my goals and what I want to achieve and how I want that to look but there’s always one significant one that I work on and if other things come up fabulous or go with it or say yes to opportunities.
[00:47:27] If it fits in with what I’m doing right now, but there’s always that one priority goal and at the moment. I’ve just been working on changing platforms to the members club and we’re going to launch the members Club 2.0 and that’s been really important. I’ve bought member mentor on who’s been helping me with that.
[00:47:44] I’ve got all my team around that and for me that’s like the main AIM now, there’s other things. I desperately wanted to do this year. I was going to try and write a book and I was gonna try and continue investing in property in the UK and this that and the other. But actually no my one work go really is this to get this launch done incredibly well and say actually hey, I have done every single thing I could possibly do to get this off the ground and to make it as good as possible for my clients because if I didn’t feel that way then I’d feel like I was opening up and letting people down but I’m incredibly proud of what we’re launching.
[00:48:23] So from that point of view, that’s that’s really helped just everything it doesn’t mean that I. Come back to the other goals and put on once we’ve opened and that’s underway. I will what then focus on something else until we have our next launch. But for now for me, I have to aim on that avoids nothing will get done.
[00:48:41] So that’s something I’ve really really focused on and then number three is that I’ve had to get okay with the fact that I work from home on my own and sometimes during the day if I need to take an hour out just to read a book. Or to do something else. That’s that’s fine. Like it, you know come for five o’clock if I’ve been working all day.
[00:49:06] I’m allowed to take a break and just go and you know do something or if I need to change locations. That’s absolutely fine. I don’t. Bright myself full that anymore that I need to just stop and that for me is been being that’s being kind to myself and giving myself permission to have time off and that for me is all it takes I just either.
[00:49:28] Lie out on the patio and read a book or embed in reading a book or I watch something on Netflix or I’ll text my friends and say hey you want to come over. I really like having people over to my house at the moment. Love it coming have a glass of wine with me or I go to there. And then I’ve always carried a journal 3.
[00:49:48] I’ve got so many journals, but therefore different things. I’ve got a journal for work. I’ve got Jennifer my mentorship. I’ve got a journal that I keep by my bed where if I’ve got any bad thoughts. I just write them down and I kind of just leave them there. And that’s also part of my well-being practices that sometimes I just need to get anything out and it’s not perfect.
[00:50:06] It’s not anything but this is how I’m feeling and I write that down. That’s really how my well-being practice works at the moment and it’s really. It’s quite it’s satisfying because it works really well for me on my routine and it’s not the what I thought well-being practices look like I don’t meditate occasionally I do.
[00:50:34] A bit of yoga but I just do a bit of Yin Yoga. I’m not I don’t flow through this ridiculous like these moves. It’s just not me anymore. I’d rather just buy all my mat and stare at the sky. You know, that’s that’s if I’ve got time to do that. That’s what I want to do. And then I’ll stretch it, you know deep stretch up with my feet up against the wall or something that is that is about as far as it goes.
[00:50:56] Yeah, and I haven’t workout app that gives me these short workouts in these twenty minute yoga routines and for me that is just. That. It’s like such permission to not have to keep doing things like four hours at a time. I don’t know about you but I if I think I’m doing something I think I’m doing it wrong.
[00:51:16] If I’ve not spent loads of time when it was actually can get pretty good workout in and 30 minutes be sweaty and just gross and thinking wow. Look what I’ve just done so it’s been a. Mindset change that’s that’s for sure. Yeah, so that’s that’s my well-being practice. And I’ve also stopped caring so much about what I eat and what I drink and that might sound crazy, but actually the fact that I don’t.
[00:51:43] Watch it anymore. I just eat just as healthily as I did before just maybe with a few more cookies, but it doesn’t make any difference. So I give my I’ve let myself off the hook. It doesn’t matter. I feel so much better for it. Yeah, I think a lot of it is about actually giving yourself permission.
[00:52:02] Yeah. And that it’s okay. Yeah, and then it’s not going to be the end of the world. So oh, yeah nothing’s but you’re going back to your comment about nothing. Not ever nothing is permanent everything changes. So it’s fine to just go with the flow sometimes know. Not particularly worried about things and I do sweat the small stuff and I shouldn’t but that’s one thing I do do which is why I Journal I sometimes have to get it out.
[00:52:29] Whereas the big stuff on me pretty quick Karma by old so I don’t enjoy my well-being practice. Actually that I want to do it. I want to get up and go to the gym. It’s not it’s not I’m not forcing myself. And actually I don’t have an alarm anymore. I get up naturally, which is nice. That is and I think you know, like I said, your well-being practice has changed.
[00:52:51] I think that’s the important thing to remember is that you know, just because you might be doing X y&z right now that you are going to be having to do that for the rest of your life. You change it as life goes on and you’ll find that you might need to change certain things what that you prefer other things and that’s perfectly okay.
[00:53:07] So again, it’s just about like I’m listening to yourself is doing to your body. What do you need right now? And what works for you? I’m just knowing that it’s gonna be different for everybody and it will be different for you at different times in your life as well. Exactly. Exactly. Okay, so final question to finish up this podcast.
[00:53:23] What can you do if your mental health deteriorates or you’ve listened to this podcast and you’re thinking oh, wow, I’m feeling kind of my well-being is off track right now. What can you do? So I think for those listeners who are Ric as professionals or APC candidates you have Lionheart available, you know, it’s your charity.
[00:53:46] You can get in contact with us by phone by email and we will support you. We will find ways to cope and there’s so many different ways that we can help for those people that that are not RSS professionals. You might want to find out what your benefits are through work. So. I know that a lot of organizations will have an employee assistance program in place which offer very similar services to Lionheart.
[00:54:11] There’s just a few differences. But if you use that service your phone will not know they’ll just know that one person or two people or five people have used the service. So don’t be afraid to take advantages take advantage of the benefits that your company that your organization offer. And I know I could understand that actually picking up the phone and talking to someone can be so difficult.
[00:54:35] I remember. When I had when I went to the doctor’s eventually back in 2013 and I had no idea what I wanted to say. I didn’t even know what I was going for and I went with a family member. Sometimes people come you can write things down and go to see your GP and say just hand the piece of paper over to them.
[00:54:53] If you’re if you’re not sure how you want to kind of get that across. I remember when I had to pick up the phone. Actually. I post me did have counseling which was really helpful. We took me months to even call that number. Because I’ll just want to know what I’m going to say. Why do I need to call it?
[00:55:07] But I just want to show people that actually if you if you really need support Don’t Be Afraid don’t be embarrassed because there is actually so much support out there. So sometimes talking to a family member or a good friend helps. And sometimes actually telling them, you know, we people as people we want to provide sulak solutions for people so and that’s naturally what we want to do.
[00:55:28] But if you tell the person what you need, even if you think that it’s common sense, so sometimes when I’m speaking to my sister and I just want to get something off my chest. I’ll say to a just don’t I just want I just need you to listen to me. I don’t need you to kind of give advice or tell me what to do.
[00:55:44] Yeah, there’s your laugh because she’ll always have something to say she’s lucky fine and. Just listen to me and that’s all it takes. Yeah, it’s absolutely fine. So don’t be afraid to tell people what you need from them. Whether that’s listening whether that’s advice whether that’s I need to do this.
[00:56:00] Could you help me with this? So there’s that. I know we spoke about journaling that can help and actually there’s a lot of other charitable organizations out there. So even if you just typed in mental health charities. They’ll be so many different options that come up, you know, you’ve got mind you’ve got mental health Foundation.
[00:56:18] You’ve got rethink. So many of these organizations actually have so many different resources on their websites, you know what to do if your sequins if you need to seek support if you need to help. They have a variety of different blogs from resources. So use these because they are there no for you to actually use them.
[00:56:35] They’re there to for information to be provided on our line Heart website. We also have a resource a mental health resource pack that sits on our website. Yep. So if you go to Lionheart dot org dot u k– under the John O’Halloran tab we’ve got. An option which says resources and there’s resources that we’ve put together there that can be used as well.
[00:56:57] So they’re just some of the ways I would just say actually don’t be ashamed don’t be embarrassed. There is information there is support available and although that first step may be difficult just know that it gets easier and that you will have a lot of support available. And I know that we spoke about the stat that one in four people have mental illness in a in a year but for in for.
[00:57:21] And have mental health. So one in four will experience Mental Illness, but four and four people have mental health and so it’s something that we have to make a priority to look after our well-being and it’s absolutely fine to do that. What a great sentiments closes podcast on praetor. Thank you for coming and thank you for inviting me.
[00:57:43] It was it was a pleasure. It was it was actually great to speak to you again, ah, another all of lionhearts details in the show notes below this podcast, make sure you check them out. Thank you so much for coming and listening to this podcast day. If you want to find out any more about me head on over to www.amazingpublicspeaking.com.
[00:58:05] Real estate dot product UK. Remember you need to get on that waiting list for the members Club because it is opening soon. I can’t wait for you to see it and those on the waiting list again some special bonuses coming your way and thank you for listening this far. I cannot wait to catch up with you again soon.