I think I’ve touched on the subject of mental health awareness in my blogs, and it comes up from time to time with other entrepreneurs and people that I speak to and mentor. I actually wrote this blog back in November 2017- but it is still relevant today. 

This is a subject which gets banded around time and time again in the property sector. I see the RICS discussing it, it’s something which the construction industry is acutely aware of, at University it’s a massive thing that we are told we have to look out for in our students…

But I think that there is a BIG POINT which is being completely missed. I don’t think that there is an understanding that YES, some people’s mental health wellbeing may be off balance, yet it’s not something they know to admit to or necessarily want to acknowledge. 

…yes I admit I also just made this complicated, so let me explain…

I’ve always worried A LOT, it takes over my mind, gets all consuming makes me anxious, tight, grind my teeth, raises my heartbeat, clench my fists and at the very worst of times have panic attacks.  I also see red, get incredibly angry over things I just can’t understand and then have full on meltdowns. I can act obnoxiously, I can say things I don’t mean and in the heat of the moment I can scream and shout. And then I go on a comedown, my mind switches to an area of nothing, I can’t process things I can’t deal with other people, I feel like I can’t function properly. Slowly that seeps away and calm me resumes.

The things that set this off vary greatly, and something which you may think would put me on the downward spiral I can be rational about and other things, which maybe aren’t that important can send my mind into a frenzy.

HERE’S THE THING YOU WILL PROBABLY NEVER KNOW THAT THIS HAPPENS UNLESS YOU’VE LIVED WITH ME OR WORKED WITH ME EXTREMELY CLOSELY…

Even though my insides may be screaming with irrationality, on the surface I can keep it cool and go about my daily business. I also will never admit that my mental health is off… (you are probably now thinking, why on earth is she writing this article if she can’t even admit to it…!)

When I first noticed this pattern, I must have been in my early teens. I would lie awake at night panicking I was abnormal, maybe I would go to jail if anyone knew how crazy I really was. I would worry about worrying… it was a vicious circle, one that would come and go. I would get myself in habits convinced that it would stop the cycle, for a good year or so at about 15 years old I was convinced that I would pass out if I didn’t constantly chew chewing gum. I get fixated and then I just run it over and over in my mind. 

So, I never admitted to myself or anyone else that my mental health may not have been as it should, mainly because it never stopped me doing anything or achieving the things I wanted to achieve. I’ve always set goals and somehow or other smashed them. I’ve always taken part in the activities I wanted to and travelled where I would like.

Over the years I have questioned my mental health, thinking I should declare it, and have been through counselling on a number of occasions (and still have my counsellor on call if necessary). Yet, I’ve never ever thought of myself as having mental health problems, depression or anxiety.

Looking back, I answer my own questions on my own thoughts about mental health. I’ve been in the grips of a downward spiral, I acknowledge it happens and when it does it can put a pause on everything else that goes on. But no longer am I worried about it happening, I don’t fear the off-balance times, because I trust myself to put ME in the best position I possibly can. I’ve always been a high achiever, based on the goals I’ve set me, I’ve never worried about what other people are doing because it’s not a benchmark. I guess that also how I deal with my mind. I will never be able to compare myself to how other people feel in situations and how their mental health is, so I would never be able to say to someone ‘yes I’m depressed or yes I’ve got anxiety’, because honestly, I don’t think that it is true for me. I just have low swings and then everything rights itself again.

This is why I like the term Mental Health Awareness. Being aware of what’s going on in your mind and acknowledging it is, for me, a far better term then declaring myself unwell. It’s not scary or difficult, it just is. I learn from myself every time it happens and carry on. Does it have a negative impact on my life? In the long term, I don’t think so (short term sometimes I have to give myself a stern talking to haha). But most of all I enjoy my life, I make it what it is and I’m lucky to have good friends and family around me who are prepared to talk to me when times are tough and listen when I’m making no sense and having a rant. It’s part and parcel of being me.

Another outlet I have for all of this is writing. When I can’t say things properly I write and get it out on paper. More than likely I will never ever look at it again, but once it’s out it’s no longer my problem… also, it really helps when I want to tell someone something and I can’t explain. It’s then there how I’m feeling and so I don’t have to articulate and worry that I won’t say something correctly.

The reason I wanted to write this blog is that I wanted to share how MY mental health works and my story. I don’t believe I’m unwell or am struggling or battling with anything, it just shows up in my life from time to time and because I’m prepared not to judge it, and then it disappears and quickly as it arrives. It also doesn’t define me, but it is part of me.

This is something I will talk about openly if asked. So, if you are reading this and want to talk about mental health awareness, then be my guest I’m always happy to chat!

I want to make it OK that you can feel the same and not have to put a label on it. I think everyone has a different experience of mental health, it’s not scary, it just happens and you aren’t alone! In my experience hiding from it only makes it worse, but accepting it within yourself and committing to make sure you are handling it in a healthy way is only a positive… and trust me the healthy handling of it will be individual to you.

NC

P.S This blog is to highlight my own experience, not to comment on anyone else’s. I have never in anyway thought about harming myself or anyone else, but if this is you then I think it’s important you explain to someone you trust how you are feeling and kick-start the support process in whatever capacity you need it. All you need to do is make sure you are safe.